MOTHERHOOD IS NOT FOR SISSIES!!!!!

.....So here I was pregnant at 38, still struggling with major anxiety and depression issues that plagued me my whole life and I find out that I better get my shit together in the next 6 months.

I did just that.

I went to a new Ob/Gyn practice that wasn't as large as my last one because I feared being just another patient. I mean I wanted SPECIAL TREATMENT because I was a SPECIAL PATIENT. I have ANXIETY!!!! LOOK AT MEEEEE!!!! I HAVE DEPRESSION!!!! IT"S SOOOOO OBVIOUS!!! That's what my thoughts were screaming inside.

I found a counselor who I begged to not treat me like another crazy patient but someone who is at her wits end and trying very hard to grasp the big change about to happen.

By the way, you will notice that I will use the phrase "wits end" a lot in this blog. That's how I felt for a vast majority of the time. Clueless, Bewildered and Fret with Fear.

I am about to take you on a journey of what my life was like pre, during and post pregnancy.
Throughout this blog, you will either understand what I was like because chances are you may be or have gone through similar things or you will just shake your head in bewilderment and say "She's lost...pray for that baby".

Either way, I hope you can gather something from this blog. I'm writing down the bones of what I go and have gone through so that others may not seem so alone.

To be a mom, I learned, is to step outside of yourself for a while and watch life unfurl upon which you created. It is not for the weak of heart, it requires strength and stamina.

To the women out there that make it seem like it's a breeze, hats off to you. You are not who I am. I am the one who will tell you it's hard work and you may not even like it.... and even that's ok. Feelings are neither right nor wrong, they just are.

Hang on, the journey is about to begin and I will be the first to say it: "THERE IS NOT STRENGTH, WHERE THERE IS NO STRUGGLE".